MOMMYHOOD IS MORE THAN I EVER DREAMT IT WOULD BE....

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Why can't the past be left in the past?

"We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams."
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Why can't the past be left where it's supposed to be, in the past? Why is it so hard for some people to move on? There are so many great things happening and to happen than to worry about the memories of yesterday. Some memories are important to have, to hold onto but, why can't the ones that have been moved past, do the same for everyone else?
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"You can't change the past, but worrying about the present can ruin the future."
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We can't change our pasts, they have what shaped us, what have guided us, and most importantly, taught us who we don't want to be. We can't worry too much about what's happening now or else the future won't have a chance. I've learned to not worry about the things around me because, there is so much hurt and anger that can come between what's good but, why is it so hard for people to do that? Why is it so hard for people to see where happiness is and should be left alone?
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"Cancer" is just a word
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My past is filled with this word, this disease. I saw this quoted somewhere by someone who I really admire right now and look up to, and it means strength and living. It represents these two things that so many people struggle to have. It takes someone you know really well to be so strong and brave against this word to make you realize, life is so important. Life means so much more than bad memories and negativity. Life is about love. It's about what we have to offer not only ourselves but, the people who matter. It's about promise. But most of all, it's about forgetting about the significance of a word and remembering the person you are. The past is the past but, now we are what we are and we are what we have become. Whether it be a stronger person like I am after suffering so many losses but, gaining so much at the same time or, whether it be a strong person going through something horrifying in life and making the best of it and walking into it with a smile, we are what we allow ourselves to be. It's not about what's in our pasts or what happened yesterday, it's about what's happening now.
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I remember so many parts about my past but, I am able to move on from them. That's what it means, that's what you're supposed to do. I think we should all take a step back and look at who we used to be but, then be thankful for the person we have become because, it's about right now. It's about what we're going to do to get past it, and what we're doing to be a better person. What I am experiencing right now, has allowed me to look at what's important. This baby is important. I am important, and Kyle is important. That's what matter's in my life right now. It's not about an hour ago, a few days ago, or years ago. Why can't everyone else think the same way?
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"Most of our life is a series of images. They pass us by like towns on the highway. But sometimes, a moment stuns us as it happens. And we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment... every part of it... will live on forever."
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Have you ever heard that quote "Like everyone, and trust no one."? It's true. Let what's imporant live on but, let the other stuff be where it's meant to be. Stay strong and be who you are. Live for yourself and no one else because, there really isn't any other way to survive.


With Love,

Friday, January 30, 2009

Our precious bundle of joy!

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I thought I'd share some ultrasound photos - although most of you have already seen them, here is the beginning of the rest of our lives!
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Blessings,

Do you ever wonder?

"Do you ever wonder if we make the moment's in our lives, or if the moment's in our lives make us?" - One Tree Hill
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What makes up who we are? Are we who we will be become the day we were born? Do our friends make up what will we become in life? Or do our life experiences, the moment's that capture our life changes and events say more about us than anything else?
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We don't have say in what happens, life just happens and takes turns and crosses over bridges that we never saw coming. We could be one person in one moment, and the next thing that happens changes us completely. That seems to be my life. My body and my soul are completely different beings than they were a year ago. It seems like every year of my life recently has had some major moment that has completely turned who I am inside out. I would say, these moment's in my life have made me because, I know I didn't make up these moment's in my head and wish for them to happen everyday.
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The moment that started Forever
... So here begins the rest of my life
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The day I found out I was pregnant, my feelings of joy and excitement took over anything else. It wasn't until all these months later, where I look at the pictures of my son's cute little cheeks and kicking feet that I realize, this is the beginning of the rest of my life. On my wedding day, it was just a happy day of something I was familiar with and was this exciting part of my life but, today when I feel Landyn's feet kicking me and his prescence being known, I think "Oh my gosh, this is the start of something amazing..." The start of a new life. A new journey. New hopes, dreams, and aspirations. This is something I am investing my whole life in, and it's barely even the beginning.
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I can't even describe what feelings I have going through my head when I think about how Kyle and I made this little person who is growing inside of me right now. We have created something so extraordinary, how can it be put into words? My body is changing, my life is changing, I feel like a totally different person. The things that were important to me a year ago no longer mean anything compared to this little life we are about to bring into the world.
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Do you ever wonder what life would be like if our dreams came true? I know. I know life is something we dream in our heads but, my dream is alive and kicking inside my belly right now and there is no other way to describe this feeling other than these moment's are shaping the person that I am, and the person that I will become everyday.


With Love,